After starting her 30-day quest to become an actress on the premiere episode of VH1’s New York Goes to Hollywood, Tiffany “New York” Pollard needs to find a manager. On Monday’s episode, she scores a meeting with talent manager Chuck Binder, who tells her he wants her to be his Queen Latifah. Of course, New York — fresh from Barry’s Bootcamp, where she started working off the weight she packed on since I Love New York 2 — hopes he doesn’t want her to get any bigger.
Trouble brews when New York’s personal assistant (doesn’t every struggling actress have one?) Lizza (like Minnelli with two “z”s) tries to chime in during her interview with Chuck. “She is like a showbiz mom,” New York says to the camera. “B—-, you just my personal assistant. You better fetch me drinks!’”
The first audition Chuck sends her on is to play Condoleezza Rice in a movie. (Can you imagine New York in the White House? “Look, George, I need a sandwich — NOW. And get me a Coke, too!”) Struggling over words like “legislation” and “authoritarian,” it turns out that Condi isn’t the right fit for New York, but at the audition she meet her new nemesis, an actress named Kelly.
Her “stalker,” as New York calls her, also turns up at her next audition and when she tells New York to “break a leg,” all hell breaks loose. “What did you say to me? I don’t wanna break a leg. I’m gonna get the part, that’s what I’m gonna do!” she screams.
And, of course, Kelly crops up again when Chuck sends New York to an acting class with coach Scott Sedita. New York gets dramatic during a scene with class hottie Voss — “I had your child. You will love me!” — but it’s not nearly the drama she has with Kelly when they have a verbal war that sends them both to Scott’s office.
When Kelly insists she’s not trying to be b—-, New York threatens her: “That would be a very bad route for you to take, because you might be a b—-, but I’m the HBIC, Head B—- in Charge!”
On next week’s episode, New York scores a karate-chopping role in a Japanese commercial. Get ready for it: “Konichiwa, b—-es!” – Serena Kappes
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